This Yard

It's nice to fall asleep on whichever bed or couch that I like.
It's nice to wake up to a cat at my feet who bites me when I try to pet her.
It's nice to sit on the counter and talk to my father and brother.
It's nice to sit on a porch that looks out to a yard filled with trees.
It's nice to be in the company of squirrels and chickens and lizards.

I know, I know. I haven't posted in forever. Well, you see, this last semester has been the busiest of all previous school semesters in my life. And so, as you could imagine, my finals week was also the busiest I've ever had. Hence, no time for blogging. But now I am home and back to it! I will be posting quite often over the break. I will fill you in on some projects I've done in some of my classes, I will show you the wonder and whimsy that made up my Thanksgiving break, and I will finally post more film photos. So be sure to stay tuned! Many more treats to come.

Whispering Paper Planes

Sometimes. Oh! Sometimes...
My dreams fly far above me.

The world in which I live
Is not the world I see.
A glass spectacle covers my eye
And turns all that I love
Into paper airplanes
That don't exist.

My heart feels suppressed
By the bones which protect it.
Its deepest desire is to
Leap over fences and scream
"This is love!
This is life!"

Instead it speaks slowly
Quietly hanging paintings
In galleries around town.
Paintings of paper airplanes
Whisper to the walls saying,
"This is love.
This is life."

The Hartsfield's

I have  been welcomed into the home of the Hartsfield's from Texas for this Thanksgiving holiday. Kathleen's is a friendship that has changed my life in so many ways. To be able to spend such a time of the year with her and her family has been a treasure beyond what I could have even imagined. And to come here with another of our closest friends, Ahnna...I couldn't have asked for a more enriching group of people. 

Now, I have certainly been missing my family a great deal. But I do get to see them in a mere TWO WEEKS. Thank you, dear Lord.

An Update

This semester...has flown by faster than I ever could have imagined. I simply cannot comprehend it.And it's been insanely busy. But it has been so good.

This semester I have:
Averaged 1-3 all-nighters per week
Limited my coffee intake due to excessive consumption
Had serious computer problems
Been really bad about returning emails, calls, and text messages

But I've also:
Made some crazy cool new freshman friends
Had wonderfully genuine conversations
Had the best birthday trip home
Learned how to develop my own photos
Gone to Steak N' Shake happy hour (in the A.M.)
Road tripped to Saint Louis
Painted my skin green
And so much more...but it's late. And I can't think of more.

But to sum it up, I've been incredibly blessed. And I don't know what else to do but praise the good Lord for it all.

Outside In

I stand at my window.

I look to the distant clouds.

They are dark and beautiful

And demand my attention.

They send a gust my way

And call to me

Speaking with the noise

Of the blowing leaves.

I welcome them in

But they can only blow

Through my window

Then must go again.

The cold on my cheeks

Is comfort from the heat inside

That I never want to leave me

And miss when it's gone.

Come live with me, clouds.

Bring the wind

And the leaves

And come stay in my room.

A tree could grow

Next to my bed.

And a cricket on its branch

Could sing me to sleep.

This Is Home

Living a good 15 hour drive from home, I only get to go back maybe once per semester, if that. By the time I get home, the first few days back almost seem like a wonderful dream. A little over a week ago I got to go home for just a few days. It was short, but oh so sweet. On Saturday my entire family (minus only a few) went out to a salt marsh preserve to celebrate my twentieth birthday. What nostalgia thinking about it. It was a beautiful day of distant dark clouds, wind, towers, and bike rides. It really was so perfect. My family is one of my most precious gifts here on this earth. And I couldn't think of a better way to spend a late birthday celebration than tromping around a salt marsh with all of them.

"Repent then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord, and that he may send the Christ, who has been appointed for you- even Jesus."

Acts 3:19-20

Just Words.

I truly don't know what to feel right now. 
I just lost everything on my computer from the last year and a half. 
That's my entire life since I've left home and been in college.
I lost all my family photos. 
All of those birthday parties, all of those gatherings.
All of those precious moments I was able to be home for, even for just a little while.
I lost my entire body of work I've created since over a year ago.
My entire portfolio. 
Gone.


Sure, there are small picture files I still have from the blog. Really, most of my favorites are on here. And even some full file sizes are on my flickr. But there are some photos that I will never see again. I would guess at the very least over 10,000 pictures I will never see again. I don't mean to be dramatic. But you have to understand all that has been invested to get those photos. 


About a week ago I started having issues with my Macbook, which deep down inside was really concerning me and making me feel quite ill. After several very knowledgable people looked at it and with much research, I realized there was the faintest glimmer of hope left for ever seeing anything from that computer again. Before I went to Apple to confirm that all was lost, I told God that I trusted him with the outcome. I asked that whatever might glorify him most, that it might be done. And so now, even though I want to weep and ask, "How, Lord? How does this glorify you more?"...I have to trust that it does. I strive to trust that it will. I need to trust that the loss of these pictures and everything that results will be better than if they were still here. 


Even now I am learning and pondering new things. And I am thankful. 
Every photo I've taken is a gift. The camera I use is mine because the Lord blessed me with it. The abilities I have to take pictures are mine only because the Lord gave them to me. And each and every circumstance from each and every photo I've taken was given to me freely. And I deserve none of these. So why do I feel like I should have them back? I shouldn't. 


This was a situation that was entirely out of my control. It did not matter how much effort I put into creating each one of those over 10,000 photos. It did not matter how important to my career it was to have those photos. It did not matter what sentimental value each photo of my nieces and nephews held to me. It did not matter that I trusted God with the outcome. None of these made it so that my pictures were saved. But this matter is not about any of these things. 


It is about trusting that God is good. Trusting that what comes of this is good. And not just good, but good. It is good that this happened to me. Why? I can only imagine because I surely don't see it yet. But I know that He does not withhold any good thing from me. And truly, He is all that I need. He is my God, and I am his. 


And pictures...well, they waste away to nothing.


But what hope I have in eternal life. And for that I praise Him, with all that I have I will praise Him!

On turning twenty.

Nostalgia talks to me.
Do you see your childhood slipping away?
He taunts.
Remember swings?
You're too big now.

I talk back to him.
Do you see how you're torturing me?
I know these.
I remember swings
And love them.

Nostalgia swings with me.
And with each sway he whispers,
Another year,
another day
you will not have again.

I cry as I swing.
Tell me, Nostalgia, what do I do?
I've loved these years.
If I let myself turn another,
I will not have the last.

Stay, he says.
Do not let them go.

But I can't.
I'm too big for the swing
and my hands hurt
from gripping the chains
so tightly.

I let go.

I've been having some serious nostalgia/ homesickness/ sentimentality lately. Today is officially my twentieth birthday, which just seems so strange for some reason. I've been thinking a lot about growing up with my family and how so many things have changed over the years. When I was little, it was all about me and my 7 other siblings running around, playing, and going to school. Now I can look at my 12 nieces and nephews and reminisce about what it was like. As much as some of my feelings are telling me that getting older is something to avoid, I want to embrace it with all that I have. I have been given beautiful life. Each day is a gift that I do not deserve.

The friends I've been abundantly blessed with. My ever-growing family that loves me so. A school that feeds me truth every single day. A room of my very own to sleep in every night. Cameras, paint brushes, pencils, and fabric to create whatever my heart desires. Cold weather for my birthday weekend. A child running to give me a big hug. People that tell me they love me.

There is no way that I have done anything to deserve the least of these. Yet they have been given to me so graciously. And even still, these do not compare to the most beautiful gift I've been given. Without it, all of these would mean nothing.

I proclaim with all that I have that the redemption given me through Jesus Christ, Son of God, is the only reason I live. And for him, I will give 20 years of my life without hesitation. And for him, I will be glad and rejoice to live more.

Wednesday's Notes

Some notes from my journal yesterday.
Random fact: I hate the word journal.

October first

Give me a beautiful, cold fall day and my smile will only fade with the moon.
Give me a friend to pick cotton with and I will not ask to stop.
Five dollars is all it costs for apron displays and corn mills, quilting women and widdling men.
An extra four for a picnic on a bridge in the shade.

Doodle Two's (Giveaway)

Every Tuesday. One song + one piece of art by me.
Be it a drawing, a painting, whatever is inspired.
Given to one of you marvelous readers.

This week's song: "Emphasis" by Sleeping at Last

I'm confident enough to say that Sleeping at Last has some of the most beautiful lyrics I've ever heard. And not only are the words beautifully composed, but they are performed in such a way that you feel a touch of the very emotions that were felt when first writing them. I understand that Ryan O'Neal's voice is not for everyone. And that's okay. I think he has a wonderfully unique voice.

Regardless, the lyrics get me every time. "Emphasis" in particular, is just so good. There's a lot in this song that is so relatable to my own story of salvation in Jesus Christ. "The smartest thing I ever learned is that I don't have all the answers." Wow. This is one of the greatest lessons the Lord has taught me. And to hear it so beautifully in a song like this one...I could listen again and again.

If you want this song and a few others by Sleeping at Last, they are currently available for download on Noisetrade.

The Giveaway

Things have been getting busy with school and the giveaway's been a little difficult to give up. So I'm going to try something a little different. I have a current goal of 50 followers via Google Friend Connect. And I think you guys can help me get there. So here's how you can enter to win this art giveaway:

1. Follow my blog via Google Friend Connect.

(If you already follow, then this won't count as an entry this time.)

2.Recommend my blog to a friend. Or many!

For each friend that joins, you will get one entry.

Just tell me who you recruited.

And that's it! Leave me a comment for each one you do. I'm just wanting to spread the word. I might even add more art pieces into the drawing depending on how busy I am. This giveaway will be open until I hit the big 5-0. 

Thanks in advance! All your support and encouragement has meant so much to me.

The PSL Season

I took this photo last year for a contest that Starbucks put on. I think they chose their top 3 or 4 photos to win a gift card or something. And I was one of the top! I never did get that gift card from them though...oh well.

It is Pumpkin Spice Latte season again and I am more than thrilled. Honestly, it's a difficult toss-up between fall and winter for my favorite seasons. Nevertheless, fall is starting to show itself and I love it. I had my first PSL of the season yesterday. Iced. It's still pretty warm out. And it was delicious.

Be encouraged by these verses in Psalm 16 today.

"I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand."

Cotton and monkeys

Sometimes you meet people and they gradually become your close friends over time.
Other times you meet people and instantly wish you could have grown up with them as your next door neighbor best friend. This would be the case with Becca (far left) and Kaelin (middle right). They are two new freshmen here and super fly. Cari and I got to photo venture with them around a cotton field and relax in this lovely cool September air. I couldn't think of a better way to spend the labor day break.

The way the Lord brings together certain friendships amazes me. Remembering my freshman year last year, the people he brought in my life, and how they have affected my life...it's mind-blowing. He knows exactly what we need and is faithful to give it. Whether it's finances, extra strength, or a friend. Or two. He will always be faithful to provide.

Photos thanks to Becca.

Walls and Structures

I am weak. Yet you strengthen me.

I am so weary. Yet you comfort me.

You know what I need and you give it to me.

You know the walls I have clumsily built between us

and destroy them so that I am closer to you.

I am shocked and say, "Why, God?"

I was proud of my structure.

I liked its pale colors and its rotting wood.

But you knew its satisfaction was temporary

and you wanted nothing less than eternal for me.

So you ripped it down and showed me your love.

Your love does not fade, nor does it waste to nothing.

Like the structure I clumsily built between us.

Art History is...exciting!

Today I was surprised a little bit by my Art History class. I actually really enjoyed it. I've never been one to get very into history. Not because I don't like it, but because it's difficult for me to learn and grasp onto it. But today, I was listening and taking notes and before I knew it class was over. So hopefully that class period will set the tone for the semester. There was one piece we looked at that somewhat inspired this little watercolor doodle I made...

I was looking at figures from the Great Hall of the Bulls and thinking of how much I love black-outlined figures. I especially love black-outlined figures with watercolors. I really need to do those more often.

(Belated) Film Friday

Well, I do apologize that film friday this week was a little bit tardy. It's been a crazy busy week trying to pack up and say goodbyes before moving back in for the semester. Because I spent yesterday packing and driving, I didn't get the chance to scan in new pictures. But I found some old family photos I put on here a while back. Hope you like 'em like I love 'em.

We left last night around 7 p.m. and drove through the night to arrive at about 7 a.m. It was my first all night drive. While it was unpleasant at times, I have to tell you...watching the sun go down and watching it rise again in one sitting is more beautiful than I ever realized. I was literally writing poems in my mind as I watched the day unfold. 

I can tell when it's coming.

The earth glows purple in anticipation.

Sun softly kisses the sky and the hills

With pastel orange and pasty pink.

She takes time to wake up.

Her deep breaths blow out mist over the grass.

The trees fold back their leaves

releasing one...flock...of birds...at...a time.

The fresh smell of a new day is strong

And pierces through metal and glass.

I breath it in. 

The dawn is much more glorious than I ever knew.

Oh, I do believe, she is never more beautiful

than when compared to the long and rainy night

I spend waiting for her to come. 

Slowly. Softly.

She comes.

Summer Gatherings

If you didn't know already, I am the second youngest of 9 and an aunt to 12 little ones. Today we celebrated my nephew Douglas' 5th birthday. Here's some snapshots from today to show you some of my favorite things about our birthday parties (and my family in general).

1. baby faces

2. little girl braids 

3. splashing around

4. birthday cakes

5. opening gifts 

(I made Douglas a felt finger puppet of himself. He kept walking around with it on his finger, talking as if he were the puppet.)

6. these kids.

few things ever bring me joy like these kids do. i'm going to miss them.