Fellowship and photographers

I'm back from the Southwestern photojournalism conference! And boy, am I glad I went. I got to meet and talk with so many truly amazing people. Having someone like Mark Sandlin from Southern Living Magazine sit down next to me and listen to me talk of passions and frustrations, desires and doubts. So good. So incredibly good. And then having Matt Jones, working for an international non-profit, pray for me to find my confidence in Christ. I really needed to come to this more than I even realized. I also got to meet a some new friends from other schools. Here are some of my favorite quotes/notes and some film shots from the weekend.

 Sarah Jane, CBU

Chris, CBU

Focus on unique work, not just good work.

Matt Jones

Before you can go out and live it, you need to receive freedom from the burden of comparison.

Anacleto Rapping

If you are passionate about it, there are things you will have to overcome.

First time eating In-N-Out

Jacob (below) is a fellow photojournalism student and an amazing one at that. The last day of the conference was his birthday so I had to get a birthday photo of him. I'm super excited to see how Jacob's photos progress through the years.

Self

Painting inspired by Michael Carson's "Blue Window".

Psalm 73: 23-26

Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.

You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.

Whom have I in heaven but you?

And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

My flesh and heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Photo House

There were a few select locations that I spent a great majority of my time at this semester. The photo house was one of them. This house and I have a love-hate relationship. 'Tis a lovely part of campus to slip over to for a few hours to get away from the hub of campus life. That is, during the day. At night...well, it has the tendency to freak people out a bit. Though, I was fortunate enough to have some pals that enjoyed going over there with me to keep me company. This day was actually one of the two snow days we had this semester. Such a treat!

Working with film photography was the cause of many challenges, trials, and even sorrows. When you are responsible for a photo from the time the film is placed into the camera to the time you hold the print in your hands, there is a lot of room for error. Even tiny mistakes can lead to a disastrous end. But I will tell you that I've learned a lot about photos through this. It really isn't the end of the world if you lose some of them. You might have an awful sick feeling in your stomach for a while knowing you will never see them but it will go away. I've learned that the memory of something is not the most important part. It's that it actually happened in the first place.

The Hartsfield's

I have  been welcomed into the home of the Hartsfield's from Texas for this Thanksgiving holiday. Kathleen's is a friendship that has changed my life in so many ways. To be able to spend such a time of the year with her and her family has been a treasure beyond what I could have even imagined. And to come here with another of our closest friends, Ahnna...I couldn't have asked for a more enriching group of people. 

Now, I have certainly been missing my family a great deal. But I do get to see them in a mere TWO WEEKS. Thank you, dear Lord.

This Is Home

Living a good 15 hour drive from home, I only get to go back maybe once per semester, if that. By the time I get home, the first few days back almost seem like a wonderful dream. A little over a week ago I got to go home for just a few days. It was short, but oh so sweet. On Saturday my entire family (minus only a few) went out to a salt marsh preserve to celebrate my twentieth birthday. What nostalgia thinking about it. It was a beautiful day of distant dark clouds, wind, towers, and bike rides. It really was so perfect. My family is one of my most precious gifts here on this earth. And I couldn't think of a better way to spend a late birthday celebration than tromping around a salt marsh with all of them.

"Repent then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord, and that he may send the Christ, who has been appointed for you- even Jesus."

Acts 3:19-20

Just Words.

I truly don't know what to feel right now. 
I just lost everything on my computer from the last year and a half. 
That's my entire life since I've left home and been in college.
I lost all my family photos. 
All of those birthday parties, all of those gatherings.
All of those precious moments I was able to be home for, even for just a little while.
I lost my entire body of work I've created since over a year ago.
My entire portfolio. 
Gone.


Sure, there are small picture files I still have from the blog. Really, most of my favorites are on here. And even some full file sizes are on my flickr. But there are some photos that I will never see again. I would guess at the very least over 10,000 pictures I will never see again. I don't mean to be dramatic. But you have to understand all that has been invested to get those photos. 


About a week ago I started having issues with my Macbook, which deep down inside was really concerning me and making me feel quite ill. After several very knowledgable people looked at it and with much research, I realized there was the faintest glimmer of hope left for ever seeing anything from that computer again. Before I went to Apple to confirm that all was lost, I told God that I trusted him with the outcome. I asked that whatever might glorify him most, that it might be done. And so now, even though I want to weep and ask, "How, Lord? How does this glorify you more?"...I have to trust that it does. I strive to trust that it will. I need to trust that the loss of these pictures and everything that results will be better than if they were still here. 


Even now I am learning and pondering new things. And I am thankful. 
Every photo I've taken is a gift. The camera I use is mine because the Lord blessed me with it. The abilities I have to take pictures are mine only because the Lord gave them to me. And each and every circumstance from each and every photo I've taken was given to me freely. And I deserve none of these. So why do I feel like I should have them back? I shouldn't. 


This was a situation that was entirely out of my control. It did not matter how much effort I put into creating each one of those over 10,000 photos. It did not matter how important to my career it was to have those photos. It did not matter what sentimental value each photo of my nieces and nephews held to me. It did not matter that I trusted God with the outcome. None of these made it so that my pictures were saved. But this matter is not about any of these things. 


It is about trusting that God is good. Trusting that what comes of this is good. And not just good, but good. It is good that this happened to me. Why? I can only imagine because I surely don't see it yet. But I know that He does not withhold any good thing from me. And truly, He is all that I need. He is my God, and I am his. 


And pictures...well, they waste away to nothing.


But what hope I have in eternal life. And for that I praise Him, with all that I have I will praise Him!

On turning twenty.

Nostalgia talks to me.
Do you see your childhood slipping away?
He taunts.
Remember swings?
You're too big now.

I talk back to him.
Do you see how you're torturing me?
I know these.
I remember swings
And love them.

Nostalgia swings with me.
And with each sway he whispers,
Another year,
another day
you will not have again.

I cry as I swing.
Tell me, Nostalgia, what do I do?
I've loved these years.
If I let myself turn another,
I will not have the last.

Stay, he says.
Do not let them go.

But I can't.
I'm too big for the swing
and my hands hurt
from gripping the chains
so tightly.

I let go.

I've been having some serious nostalgia/ homesickness/ sentimentality lately. Today is officially my twentieth birthday, which just seems so strange for some reason. I've been thinking a lot about growing up with my family and how so many things have changed over the years. When I was little, it was all about me and my 7 other siblings running around, playing, and going to school. Now I can look at my 12 nieces and nephews and reminisce about what it was like. As much as some of my feelings are telling me that getting older is something to avoid, I want to embrace it with all that I have. I have been given beautiful life. Each day is a gift that I do not deserve.

The friends I've been abundantly blessed with. My ever-growing family that loves me so. A school that feeds me truth every single day. A room of my very own to sleep in every night. Cameras, paint brushes, pencils, and fabric to create whatever my heart desires. Cold weather for my birthday weekend. A child running to give me a big hug. People that tell me they love me.

There is no way that I have done anything to deserve the least of these. Yet they have been given to me so graciously. And even still, these do not compare to the most beautiful gift I've been given. Without it, all of these would mean nothing.

I proclaim with all that I have that the redemption given me through Jesus Christ, Son of God, is the only reason I live. And for him, I will give 20 years of my life without hesitation. And for him, I will be glad and rejoice to live more.

Wednesday's Notes

Some notes from my journal yesterday.
Random fact: I hate the word journal.

The PSL Season

I took this photo last year for a contest that Starbucks put on. I think they chose their top 3 or 4 photos to win a gift card or something. And I was one of the top! I never did get that gift card from them though...oh well.

It is Pumpkin Spice Latte season again and I am more than thrilled. Honestly, it's a difficult toss-up between fall and winter for my favorite seasons. Nevertheless, fall is starting to show itself and I love it. I had my first PSL of the season yesterday. Iced. It's still pretty warm out. And it was delicious.

Be encouraged by these verses in Psalm 16 today.

"I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand."

Walls and Structures

I am weak. Yet you strengthen me.

I am so weary. Yet you comfort me.

You know what I need and you give it to me.

You know the walls I have clumsily built between us

and destroy them so that I am closer to you.

I am shocked and say, "Why, God?"

I was proud of my structure.

I liked its pale colors and its rotting wood.

But you knew its satisfaction was temporary

and you wanted nothing less than eternal for me.

So you ripped it down and showed me your love.

Your love does not fade, nor does it waste to nothing.

Like the structure I clumsily built between us.

Sneakish Peakish

I know it's late. And I know I should be going to bed. But I've been making some things to put up on my shop and I'm just too excited to hold it completely inside of me. So, I'm giving you a sneak peak. A preview. A behind-the-scenes action shot. Maybe not that. But you get the point.

Also, I've been encouraged lately by these verses:
"Those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:30-31
I've been constantly tempted with financial worries and wondering if my blog/ shop will be successful and all sorts of similar troubles. These verses are such a refreshing reminder of how the God that created the universe takes care of me. I need not fear, for whatever may happen, I can know that he will take care of me.